The Power to Open Lucy Pierce
The Caged and the Free
I am feeling the fractious edge,
the tight-rope pledge,
fingernails slipping from the cliff-face
of the part that wants control,
that baulks and fusses at the chaos
that the true living of life elicits,
the part that knows not how to surrender.
The walled garden I have built of my heart
feels in danger of crumbling down
and the one who built it so very long ago,
is squirming in the shadows of that fortress
begging me not to risk it’s demise, she is raging,
while the great fist of the universe knocks from the outside,
knock, knock, like a great muted chime.
Although from out there, in the free-fall of the universe
it is a brittle sound,
tap, tap, as though it were only a fragile shell after all
separating me from that vast chaotic love
where the Other shines and the boundaries dissolve.
Inside, everything is slightly muted and dull,
there is only me here,
safe from harm and hurt
but utterly alone and so hungry for you
and the radiant death of my safety.
So hungry that it has become the gnawing anger,
that feels that it could kill,
the unconditional isolation deep within,
repelling love like a force field,
keeping me safe, keeping me separate.
She tells me that it must be so
for me to hold what I hold, it must be so,
the impeccable control,
the safety of a protected heart
but I know this truth is also a lie and a forgetting,
for the part of me that has always danced
in the great beyond grows.
She is remembering
what it is that happens
when we forget that we are alone and separate.
We are remembering together,
the caged and the free,
on the fractious edge of becoming.
Lucy Pierce ©2013
Her body suffers, atrophies
and when she looks she sees
that her heart is a caged thing.
A great wall defending it,
for though she gives her heart,
she never gives it fully, so afraid she is.
She seeks within for the touch
that would disarm this protection
for she knows she must give it all now,
that life will no longer tolerate less from her.
And the riptide is turning
and the slow dismantling
sends wild currents
free flowing through her channels,
surging fear from a thousand quivers withheld,
flooding tears from a thousand hurts untended.
A vast fear of dying descends,
a terror for her children left behind
and the great barricade
that surrounds her heart
is falling now,
more to give, more to feel,
for she holds the power to open
even when the tide carries her so far out
on the mysterious sea
of her own withholding unleashed,
that she wonders if she will ever
feel the good solid Earth
beneath her feet again.
Lucy Pierce ©2013